


Kingsman: The Misadventures Edition

by LazyBaker



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: BFFs, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Sarcasm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-17 18:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3538862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazyBaker/pseuds/LazyBaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A deleted scene where Eggsy is injected with a serum that makes him say everything that’s on his mind and he literally cannot stop talking about how amazing Harry is while Harry watches on both horrified and utterly smitten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Expanding on a post I made on tumblr.

 

Harry was not prone to blushing. In all honesty, he couldn't remember the last time he genuinely blushed and was not doing so under some sort of facade.

 

It was mortifying to say the least.

 

Standing on one side of the two way mirror, Harry watched with some modicum of his earlier composure as Eggsy, eyes dilated and cheeks flushed with his suit long gone and replaced by a hospital gown with wires taped to his chest and temples, rambled on and on.

 

And _on_.

 

Harry was tempted to cover his eyes. And ears.

 

"You should’ve seen him Roxy." Eggsy was breathing hard, hands waving in enthusiasm as he gushed about meeting Harry for, technically, the second time in his life. "Like fucking James fucking Bond come to life--but like John Wick too except without the whole puppy thing. And oh my god that was so fucking sad I had to skip passed it. I cried Roxy, I fucking cried."

 

While Merlin's face was stoic as he tapped away on his tablet, Harry could see through it. "You're laughing."

 

Merlin jerked his head. "I am not."

 

"You're laughing on the inside."

 

He waved him off. "Shush. You keep talking and we'll miss Eggsy proclaiming his love for you for the fourth time."

 

_Oh lord_. Harry flinched. Eggsy had dropped _that_ particular confession moments after he had woken up. He watched in horror, refusing to go into the room for fear that Eggsy might say something more intimate than he was ready to hear. Or that he wanted anyone else to hear.

 

Harry had never been afraid of horror films. Never skittish in a dark alley. Never felt that sharp spike of fear when he was out on assignment. But now, watching Eggsy happily recount the apparently many ways Harry used a gun and how 'fucking gorgeous' he looked while doing so, he felt a trickle of sweat on his forehead.

 

"Have you ever seen him without his glasses? And in that red robe he wears?" Roxy shook her head and Harry was impressed with her professionalism. She hadn't laughed once so far.

 

Eggsy gasped. "Roxy, you don't know what sexy is if you haven't seen Harry in _the red robe_. He's _so_ fit and his hair is _so_ fluffy. And he taught me all these posh wanker ways to eat in this little apron and I never thought I’d have a Martha Stewart kink, but I do. Seriously, that robe keeps me up at night. I even got to smell it once when I used his bathroom.”

 

Eggsy took a deep breath and closed his eyes with a blissful look on his face. “Fuck me. I mean, I didn't say 'fuck me' at the time. But I thought it. I did. I really did and I would have said something if Merlin hadn't have been there. But he was and he's such a _cockblock_."

 

Merlin snorted. Harry graciously did not make eye contact. He wished, for the hundredth time, that he had been quicker and had taken the bullet that was not really a bullet but an injection disguised as one.

 

The thought of ending up like Eggsy though, ranting about personal things which should never be said to anyone ever, living or dead, gave Harry the strength to not stalk into the room and knock Eggsy out.

 

"Do you think he likes me? _Like_ likes me? I mean, I've seen him looking at me but I don't know if he's, you know, _looking_ at me. Like, is he checking me out? I swear to god, if he told me to get on my knees I'd say fucking thank you, sir--"

 

"Dear _god_." Harry said, his face burning at the image. He turned his back to the mirror. "When will he be back to normal?"

 

"In a day or so. Maybe sooner because of his metabolism. We'll have him run a lap or two around HQ." Merlin hummed. He looked at Harry with an awful glint in his eye. "So, Harry. Do you _like_ like him?"

 

Harry stared at him and did not think for a moment about answering, even though 'yes' was on the tip of his tongue and the redness of his face. "You're recording this, aren't you?"

 

Merlin grasped at his chest, cocking his head enough to say he was disappointed that Harry had to ask. “In what universe would I not?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr](http://granpappy-winchester.tumblr.com/)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy had never been jealous before, but it made sense for the one time he was for it to happen in the middle of an assignment.

Merlin had said a bug wouldn't be good enough.

 

There was a very important man two tables to Eggsy's left who was talking to a much more important man and it was his and Harry's assignment to keep an eye on him, but mostly to listen and take the necessary actions.

 

Eggsy hadn't heard a damn word either of those two men had said for the past ten minutes.

 

He took a sip of his wine, a very healthy swallow, trying to get as much of the alcohol in his reach into his system. It was white to pair with the fish, one of the seven courses being served. He'd had better food at the Italian joint a block from his old apartment that was a laundromat during the day.

 

At this point Eggsy wished their mark liked greasy hamburgers and maybe a bar where he could order a pint and not have the server look at him like he was an alcoholic.

 

Pompous fucking _todger_.

 

Eggsy glared across the table at Harry and the man who was practically in Harry's lap.

 

_Peter_ was the black and white movie type of handsome, had a California accent with a voice like dark whiskey, and was apparently Harry's ex-boyfriend.

 

“It was an absolute pleasure." Peter said, holding his hand out to Eggsy with a big, chemically induced white smile. Eggsy shook his hand, gripping as hard as he could get away with, playing the part of a partner who wasn't at all insecure in his and Harry's relationship.

 

"Good to see you again, darling." Peter turned and gave Harry an intimate kiss on the cheek that was too close to the corner of his mouth. Eggsy could practically see the outline of his lips on Harry's skin. The urge to reach across the table and wipe Harry down with his cloth napkin was blindingly strong. He wasn't sure if he was more irritated with the kiss, the tender touch on the back of Harry's neck, or the term 'darling' being said like Peter was seconds from calling a cab. Probably all three.

 

Peter left with a grin and the promise he would be calling Harry soon. 

 

Now, Eggsy didn't hate him, but he wouldn't exactly be sad if the prick fell in front of a moving bus. Still, he glared at his back and hoped with all his heart for _Peter_ to trip and fall on his dumb pretty face. Harry caught his eye and the look he gave him was of a man losing his patience.    

 

"We can eat," Which meant 'do our job'. "Or we can talk about your abysmal behavior with Peter."

 

" _Peter_." Eggsy sniffed, rolling the name up in his mouth and throwing it out. Eggsy ducked his head and poked at the fish lying limp on his plate. "I was a perfect gentleman."

 

"Oh Eggsy." Harry said, completely unimpressed and that did smart more than it should. "If that's your idea at subtlety I must have severely overestimated you."

 

"I made polite conversation and I shook his hand." Eggsy spat, keeping his voice low so as to not cause a scene because while he may not be listening to the men two tables over, he was good at keeping his cover. "I'm not the one who let _Peter_ snog my damn eyes out in front of the person who's supposed to be my life partner."

 

Harry sipped at his wine, cool and unaffected as always. "I thought the brief said 'boyfriend'?"

 

"I upgraded us. Though I'm rethinking putting a fucking ring on you after that display."

 

"Are you now? What a pity." Harry smiled warmly at him, he reached across the table and patted Eggsy's hand. "I'm sure you would have made a _lovely_ husband."

 

He didn't have the strength to pull his hand away, even though Harry's was hot with sarcasm. "You know I would. If you gave me a chance." 

 

Harry clamped up and took his hand off Eggsy, his posture going chilly. "We've talked about this."

 

"No, _you_ talked about this and then left the fucking room before you even gave me a chance to say anything."

 

"You were under the influence--"

 

"--of a fucking truth serum."

 

"It was not a willing confession, Eggsy. It doesn't count." Harry paused, neatly cut a piece off of his fish and ate it. "Also, technically, it wasn't a truth serum. It inhibited your brain-to-mouth filter, and frankly I'm surprised it made any difference."

 

"Semantics are shit. Harry--" Eggsy felt himself grow hot under his collar, frustrated and enamored, with the taste of trout in his mouth. "I like you, you absolute fucking knob."

 

"As much as I love listening to this," Merlin said in his ears and presumably in Harry's by the slight tilt of his head. "Did either of you notice the mark is gone?"

 

Eggsy turned quickly and yes, the table was empty except for the dishes stacked up neatly to be taken away.

 

Harry sighed and sent him a sour look. Eggsy winced.

 

Of fucking course. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr](http://granpappy-winchester.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxy was trapped with a lovesick Eggsy.

 

There had been no alarms. No security rushing at them. Just the loud thud of the vault door locking itself and the unnerving sight of a single safe sitting directly in the center of the room.

 

It was the wrong vault.

 

Roxy did not enjoy being in the wrong _anything_.

 

It didn’t help how Eggsy, who was usually brimming with enthusiasm and the mood to 'kick some fucking ass’, had been sulking for the entirety of the assignment and going into extreme and awful detail about his last mission with Harry.

 

Roxy was moments from pressing her forehead against the wall and giving up.

 

He didn't stop until the vault had locked behind them and Merlin had informed them, clipped and utterly disappointed, how he would straighten things out momentarily before the gas was triggered.

 

Roxy was not arrogant but she wasn't humble either. She was a good agent and she was good at her job and she did not like screwing up and more than that, she did not like hearing Eggsy complain about his love life.

 

Idly, she was thankful for the wasteland of her own romantic adventures. If Eggsy was anything to go by, it seemed like a lot of shit.

 

"Do you think we have some sort of gadget that cuts through concrete?" Eggsy said, patting at his suit.

 

"No. I don't think that exists yet."

 

"Well, shit." Eggsy said, looking around the vault, his eyes catching on the safe. He nodded to it. "Since we're here, think we should try for it?"

 

Roxy didn't know if he was joking or not. "Do you really think we should break into a safe that has its own fortified vault?"

 

"Why?" Eggsy grinned. "You don't think it's _safe_?"

 

"Oh god, that actually hurt.” Eggsy laughed and his grin was welcoming after seeing him so glum. "It's nice to see you cheering up."

 

As she said it, she knew she shouldn't have and maybe there was just something off about the day having her make one bad decision after another.

 

The air seemed to dampen and Roxy knew she'd cocked the slight bit of cheer all the way up.

 

Her fate emerged, ugly and unwanted but there, and Roxy turned around and gave into the role of being a sounding board.

 

"What do you want me to say, Eggsy? I mean, really?"

 

"I don't fucking know, like, tell me to go for it or something."

 

"You want me to tell you to ask Harry out, to kiss him, to tell him you're in love with him--"

 

"--Hey, nobody said nothing about love--" Eggsy blushed. Roxy ignored him.

 

"--If you want me to say these things to you, that means you've already said them to yourself." She glared at him and then scuffed her shoe on the concrete floor. "Then the question is, if you know all this then why haven't you done anything?"

 

"I did--“

 

"Oh, and when was this? During a mission? The one where you both lost the mark? Or do you mean when you were high off a serum?" Eggsy looked appropriately shamed. Roxy did not soften. "Eggsy, assignments are no place for personal matters."

 

Eggsy made a show of looking around the vault, waving his hand at the empty steel walls and the locked safe sitting in the middle in a way to prove Roxy was completely off her mark.

 

 She could admit in this particular case, she was.

 

"We're stuck in a vault till Merlin gets us out, should I just go in a corner and shut up?"

 

"You know what I mean."

 

Eggsy scratched his head, looking limp and miserable and yes, they may be stuck in a vault they couldn't escape from on their own with only a few minutes before the whole room was filled with poisonous gas, but there really was no reason for him to look like _that_.

 

"It's just, you should have seen them, Roxy." Eggsy groaned and covered his face with his hands. He sounded positively miserable. "His fucking ex showed up out of nowhere and they had their hands all over each other and Peter fucking kissed Harry. _My_ Harry."

 

"Oh dear." Roxy said.

 

“Had his tongue down his throat, Roxy. This guy was gorgeous and so posh and they looked good together, you know? Like they belonged together and I'm just sitting there feeling like an idiot. Like I'm playing fucking pretend."

 

"Eggsy..." Roxy trailed off. She was excellent at keeping conversations going if it was needed, but now she was finding it somewhat difficult to console her friend.

 

"He told me it was inappropriate. That it wouldn't work."

 

Eggsy slumped and sat on the ground, looking tiredly at the walls which stood resolutely in their way.

 

"What does he know?" Roxy said, moving so she was kneeling in front of Eggsy, her mouth set in a hard line. "He's fifty and single and from the gossip I catch around HQ, he's never even had a relationship last longer than a few years. He doesn't know _shit_."

 

She could see Eggsy's shoulders rise in defense and she would have rolled her eyes, but she wanted to snip this conversation in the bud sooner rather than later.

 

"Listen." Roxy shushed him. "Harry is going to have exes. Lots of them, he’s fifty. That's just life. You can't be down about every one of them otherwise you won’t ever be happy again.” She swatted at Eggsy’s shoulder. “And for your information, you look like you were born to wear a suit so don't go to shit just because Harry has a hot ex."

 

"He rejected me, Roxy."

 

"You confessed to him on assignment and when you were high." Roxy said slowly. Truly, Eggsy could not be this daft. It was worrying. "Talk to him after work, like an adult."

 

Eggsy scrunched up his nose. "Like, call him?"

 

"Or, maybe, and this is just an idea that's popped its way into my head, invite him to dinner? Face to face and all." Eggsy tilted his head, chewing at his lip. "The point I'm trying to make is you got to talk like two grown men and not when someone might get shot. You know, like how we're talking. Right now. But minus the vault.“

 

Roxy gestured between them. Eggsy smiled a bit. Definitely a win.

 

"Eggsy." Roxy sighed, she put her hand on his arm and tried to give him as much comfort as she was capable. "Harry is a moron. But you're kind of a moron too. I say this as a woman who likes both of you a fair bit. You'd be absolutely wonderful morons together."

 

Eggsy looked up at her with too much hope. It made her uncomfortable. “You think?"

 

"I do." And she meant it.

 

"I really fucking hate this shit." Eggsy sniffed, wiping his nose. "What if he still says no?"

 

"Then you find another man who's twice your age, looks fit in a red robe, and can handle an AK-47 like he's making love with it."

 

Eggsy stared at her, his mouth hanging open. "Oh fuck, did I really say that?"

 

"You did. And after you buy me some Thai, I'll show you the video."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr](http://granpappy-winchester.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unlike lightning, the serum did strike twice.

It would have been the perfect date. 

 

He had bribed Merlin with overtime to find out Harry's favorite London restaurant, which turned out to be a small French place that would end up costing Eggsy his left arm, but he’d happily pay a leg and his head for Harry. 

 

He'd even managed to ask Harry out to dinner with hopefully some sophistication and as much swagger as he could, while not swallowing his own tongue or blurting out something truly embarrassing. He'd gone and bought a new suit which would specifically show off his ass and arms.

 

Most importantly, Harry had said fucking _yes_.

 

There had been promise for this date. Eggsy had raised his hopes high enough to see the fucking earth from space.

 

"Backup will be there in five." Merlin said. “If you would be a dear, do try and keep Harry from saying anything which might break national security."

 

Eggsy pulled Harry down the back alley of the restaurant, behind the dumpster and pushed him down so they were both hidden. The ground was wet and stunk like piss. His suit was fucking ruined and he didn't even want to think about what Harry would say if he weren't dazed and bleeding.

 

He had an ace plan and it had all gone tits the fuck up.

 

While Eggsy _had_ planned for the outcome where their 'date' would end horribly, he had been fairly optimistic after a good meal and maybe a true and bloody serious confession would throw off Harry's composure and it might just end with Harry inviting him back to his place for a nightcap.

 

Or a kiss. Fuck, a kiss would have been brilliant.

 

Eggsy tore open Harry's jacket, saw that the bullet was actually a little dart imbedded in his muscle. A bit of blood stained the white of Harry’s shirt.

 

The idea of of their perfect date died a shite death. One minute Eggsy was on the receiving end of Harry smiling warmly at him outside the entrance and then a bullet came out of nowhere and hit Harry square in the shoulder and ruined it all.

 

Harry groaned and blinked up at him. His eyes were bigger and brighter without his glasses on. Or maybe that was the drug.

 

Eggsy recalled his own stint with the serum, the feeling of every little thought he had popping and blooming, finally floating away. It had been a good feeling, letting it all out. 

 

The downside was he didn't remember much of what he said or did. The recording Roxy showed him had been mortifying.

 

It made the fact that Harry even agreed to go to dinner with him, much less look at him at all, a huge fucking deal. 

 

"Oh look at you, Eggsy. That suit, is it new? It looks new."

 

Harry thrived off of control and Eggsy just knew, in the pit of his gut, by tomorrow Harry would be one surly bastard.

 

Eggsy checked to see if anyone was looking in the alley, saw no one and laughed weakly. Harry's grip on his shirt was steel and immovable. He couldn't remember the last time he was ever this close to him.

 

"This old thing? No, no." Harry ignored him, talking as if Eggsy hadn't said a word.

 

Eggsy could not have been happier that when he'd been hit, Harry had been a safe distance away from him. 

 

"It looks wonderful on you. You look--" Harry breathed in deeply and tugged Eggsy closer by the collar of his shirt. “--Just like your father, actually. But prettier. Your mother’s genes, I’m sure. Gorgeous though. _Pretty_ , really. I haven’t thought of someone as 'pretty' in so long. I don't think I've ever met someone so pretty in my life. And I've lived a long time, more than most Kingsman. And look at you--"

 

Harry braced both of his hands around Eggsy's head. He stared into his eyes. It was terrifying and amazing as all hell.

 

"You're so young. You don't even have crows feet." Harry sighed, deflating and letting go of Eggsy. "I'm old and you're young and I'm so bloody old, Eggsy. How can you like an old man like me? And with this horrid thing on my face."

 

Harry touched his scar, red and large that clawed its way up the left side of his eye and forehead. Eggsy swallowed.

 

"Don't say that."

 

"I can't even look in the mirror some days. I never thought I was vain, but it's hideous. It brings too much attention and I hate people looking at it. I hate when you look at it."

 

"You idiot."

 

"I don't appreciate being called an idiot.”

 

"Well, you're being one."

 

"I don't think that's true at all."

 

Harry wouldn’t remember this most likely, but Eggsy couldn't let him think like this, even high off some weird drug.

 

"Fucking hell, Harry. You're just fifty and you're for sure more fit than I am and any of the other Kingsman." Eggsy reached out and touched his scar. He'd never done it before. Never let himself and always unsure of how Harry might react. "And this is mint. It's fucking badass."

 

"You're a liar, Eggsy."

 

"No, really. You're spectacular and cool as fuck. Goddamnit, you know how much I--" Eggsy stuttered, feeling a hot new wave of embarrassment come over him. "--I fucking worship you, you moron."

 

He should really stop this whole confessing while one of them was drugged to hell thing.

 

"Oh, Eggsy. You beautiful boy." Harry leaned in, head tilting just so and Eggsy was tempted.

 

He pushed Harry back.

 

"No kissing."

 

Harry pouted. It looked ridiculous. And cute. Eggsy hated himself a little.

 

"But you want to kiss me."

 

"Yeah, but you're high, Harry. I want to, you know, when you're not." Eggsy finished lamely. "High, that is.”

 

“But I feel fine.” Harry paused. “Better than fine. I feel good, Eggsy and kissing you would feel more than good. I haven’t felt good in a long time and then you kept talking about how I looked in my robe--I’ve had that robe for ten years, Eggsy and no one’s ever thought it was sexy. Merlin tried to throw it out three times and I had to fish it out of the bin. He’s an asshole. A prick. But he makes good quiche.”

 

Eggsy opened his mouth and closed it. He didn’t know what to say. He pointed to his glasses.

 

“Merlin is listening, Harry--“

 

Harry waved him off. “I’ve said worse to his face, Eggsy. He is my dear friend, but he is a horrible, horrible man a good portion of the time.”

 

Merlin laughed, hard and loud in Eggsy’s ear. He winced. 

 

“I’ve never been happier to be a Kingsman in my life.” Merlin said. 

 

“Christ.”

 

“Merlin is talking to you, isn’t he? Tell him to mind his own business. We’re on a date and I’d rather not have him peeking. He’s the nosiest bugger I’ve ever met in my life.”

 

“I think we might have to reschedule, Harry.” Eggsy looked around, the alley was not an ideal first date location. “Because of the whole being shot thing.”

 

“Shit. I’ve been looking forward to this.”

 

“You have?”

 

“Of course. I like spending time with you. You asked me to dinner and I nearly died, Eggsy. You were so cute, all flushed and sweet.”

"You're going to start making me blush, Harry." And he was and he really wished Harry would stop talking or else there might be another bullet headed their way. "And maybe we should lower our voices just bit, you know, so we don't die or something?"

 

Harry moved closer, which Eggsy hadn't thought possible, crowding Eggsy into the small little corner against the dumpster they'd found for themselves, almost in his lap.

 

"I like when you blush." Harry said, low and indecent. Earnest in a way Eggsy found entirely too nice. "Your cheeks get so pretty and it goes all the way down to your neck. And gods, I like you. A lot. You're so smart, Eggsy. You have so much potential."

 

Eggsy groaned. "Fuck."

 

"That too. I mean, I do want to have sex with you--"

 

Eggsy choked. “--How about we save that for later."

 

"Obviously. I'm not having sex in a back alley that stinks of piss.” Harry sighed. “ I'm surprised by the honestly biblically large amount of indecent things I think of doing to you--“

 

“Oh my god, Harry--“ Eggsy pushed him back, trying to gain some space between them. He was sweating and hard and Harry was too close and drugged to all fuck. “You’re going to hate me when you’re back to normal.”

 

“I would never hate you, Eggsy.” Harry patted his knee. “ I don’t think I’ve ever liked someone as much as you.”

 

“You have seriously got to shut up, I can’t take this at all.”

 

A car pulled up, the tires screeching on the asphalt.

 

“Your chariot is here.” Merlin said. "I think your date went rather well."

 

Eggsy ignored him and helped Harry to his feet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr](http://granpappy-winchester.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin made a brilliant quiche for Harry.

It was a well known fact Harry Hart did not take vacation or sick days.

 

Merlin had once witnessed what was now known around Kingsman as the 'Scarlet Prince Charge’ assignment where Harry, sick with Scarlet Fever, had still managed to save the Prince of Denmark single handedly against a group of thirty-two highly armed terrorists.

 

It had been impressive and extremely uncalled for and had given Harry a reputation as the ‘go to’ agent when missions looked impossible. 

 

Merlin had nearly lost all his nails from how he'd been chewing them, nervous for his friend. This had been nearly a decade and a half ago and this was the first time Harry had taken a day off.

 

Unnerving was the least of it.

 

Merlin was sitting in Harry's breakfast nook, watching the man poke at a plate of Merlin's homemade quiche on a work day. It was cozy and warm and he should have gone to work an hour ago. Tenure was a beautiful thing.

 

It had been clear by the way Harry glared at him when he'd opened his front door, that he did not want Merlin to be here.

 

But he let him in, which meant he had succeeded.

 

"Is it everything you remembered?" Merlin said, his chin on his hand, delighting in how Harry glared at him. His eyes were bloodshot which added a certain emphasis to the bedraggled look he was carrying.

 

Harry grunted. The drug had worked its way out a day ago, and it seemed Merlin’s prediction of Harry’s incoming sour mood had been spot on. “Who was it that shot me?”

 

“I haven't been able to locate them. Nothing on the CCTV.” It was a slight to Merlin’s skills. The only positive being that no one had gotten killed. “It's like a ghost shot you.”

 

“How reassuring.”

 

Merlin shrugged. “We’re still looking and it might take awhile. The real question is why you and Eggsy had been targeted.”

 

Visibly, Harry flinched and Merlin could only sigh. His friend was _too_ predictable. 

 

“I’d like to avoid the subject of Eggsy for the day.”

 

“So, you got hit with the serum.” Merlin said, unimpressed with Harry’s attitude on the whole incident. “You've been through worse.”

 

“Worse, yes. But it would have to be the most _embarrassing_.” Harry wiped his mouth with a napkin, glared at Merlin with hard eyes which refused to see the humor and then sighed. “I don't know how I'll look Eggsy in the eye again.”

 

“Just because you told him you'd like him to sit on your face does not mean it's the end of the world.”

 

Harry turned white, somehow paler than he already was. “Oh, fuck off.”

 

“It was interesting to see you so un-inhibited. Not even a speck of gentlemanly behavior from you that night.” Merlin had the single recording on his personal hard drive. It would be cherished. “My personal favorite was when you told me I had impressive biceps. Warmed my bloody heart.”

 

“I will throw this fork at you Merlin. I have no problem about getting blood on the floor.”

 

“You only say that because we're in the kitchen and there's tile.” Harry glared at him and Merlin stared back, unable to keep the grin from his face.

 

Harry's cellphone pinged. It was the one he used for his personal life. Merlin grabbed it and saw the message from Peter.

 

"And how is our dear Peter doing? What's it been, seven years?"

 

"Five. He seems to want to have a quick rendezvous while he's in London." Harry took another bite, chewed it slow and more thoughtfully than anyone should while eating quiche. "What did you think of him?"

 

"Handsome and a bit of a know it all bastard." Merlin drummed his fingers on the table. "Never did like me. I never really liked him though."

 

"Why do you think that?"

 

"I always thought it was the sexual tension between us that made Peter go a bit foul." Merlin said, airy and with as much earnestness as he possibly could. He gestured at the space between them. Despite the surly attitude Harry was trying to wear, he cracked and smiled.

 

"You're an idiot. And if I must remind you, you aren't attracted to men and I'm not a woman."

 

"You're getting stuck on the details, Harry." Merlin sighed, long and drawn out. "We could have had fat little babies together."

 

"Truly, we have wasted our potential."

 

"It is sad, isn't it?"

 

"I would have named our first son 'Tobias' I think."

 

Merlin grimaced. "After my father? You really do want to kill me, don't you?"

 

Harry was quiet for a moment, pushing the quiche  around on his plate. 

 

“What about Eggsy? What do you think of him?”

 

“I thought we weren’t talking about Eggsy?”

 

Harry rolled his eyes. “Humor me.”

 

"As an agent or a boyfriend?"

 

"As a potential rival for my affections."

 

Merlin grinned. "For taking a sick day you're awfully belligerent."

 

"Shouldn't you be at work?"

 

"I have a dear friend who's supposedly taken ill."

 

Harry groaned, putting his elbow on the table and his head in his hand. He stared flatly at Merlin. "Answer the question."

 

Merlin hummed. Taking his time. 

 

"He's capable, smart--very cute like some sort of stubborn infatuated puppy." Merlin ticked off with his fingers. "He has excellent scores in the shooting range and can dismantle and reassemble a gun in a very admirable time."

 

“His gun prowess is important to him being a boyfriend?”

 

“For you, yes.” Merlin pointed to himself. “For me, I put more importance on baking a good chocolate cake.”

 

 Harry leaned back in his chair, studying Merlin. ”You like him."

 

"Not as much as you, but then no one does." Merlin paused. He remembered the times when they were younger and Harry would complain about his boyfriends. "He can keep up with you, which is definitely a plus. Peter always seemed to slow you down."

 

"He was an asshole."

 

"Probably still is." Harry knocked Merlin's foot with his own. "Why'd you stick with him for so damn long then?"

 

"He was good in bed and I was too lazy to find someone else."

 

"True romance, that is." Merlin held up the cellphone. It was painfully old and he wondered if Harry would be too angry if he replaced it with a new one without telling him. "And does Eggsy have this number?" 

 

"Of course he does."

 

"I imagine he'll be quite a sight when he learns Peter has been texting you."

 

Harry snorted. "I shouldn't encourage him but it was flattering to see Eggsy react so strongly to Peter's flirtations."

 

"Wouldn't you?"

 

"I'm too old for jealousy, Merlin."

 

“You’re not old at all, Harry.”

 

“You only say that because we’re the same age.”

 

“True, but I do mean it.” Merlin watched as Harry ate a bit more. "I don't know why you even asked for my opinion of Eggsy. You never listen."

 

"I was curious." Harry scratched at his temple, his scar hidden behind his hair. Messier than he ever wore it. 

 

It was quiet for a moment.

 

"I always thought of Eggsy as more of a bulldog puppy." Harry said.

 

Merlin scrunched up his nose. "I don't see that at all." He paused and sorted through all the dog breeds he knew. Which was more than he'd thought. “A corgi would fit the lad."

 

"You lack creativity."

 

"You have a stuffed dog above your toilet."

 

Harry huffed. "You can't use that comeback for everything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr](http://granpappy-winchester.tumblr.com/)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Eggsy had a chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've made it. It's done. I had a lot of fun writing this and because this is the first multi-chaptered fic I've ever written AND completed, I celebrated by [drawing a little fanart for this](http://granpappy-winchester.tumblr.com/post/113973433086/i-finished-my-first-multi-chaptered-fic-kingsman). Thank you everyone who read this and I hope you enjoyed the ride as much as I have.

The air was awkward despite Harry's stalwart attempt to be nothing but social around Eggsy. 

 

Unlike Merlin, Eggsy had the decency to call ahead before he came over. Harry had spent the ten minutes trying to do something about the dark bags underneath his eyes.

 

Nothing worked and while Eggsy did look at him with concern, he thankfully kept it to himself. 

 

Surprisingly, it was not at all hard to meet and keep eye contact with Eggsy, though it didn’t last long before he found an excuse to look away.

 

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this awkward of a human being. 

 

Simply awful.

 

Harry sat Eggsy at the head of the dining room table, brought him the leftover quiche on a large plate--Eggsy could always be counted on to have a healthy appetite--with a single fork and a cup of tea. His hand lingered on his shoulder.

 

It was a casual meal and Harry was warring between feeling regretful that he hadn’t laid out a proper setting for Eggsy and feeling frustrated that he couldn't just kiss him and get this entire mess over with.

 

But he was a gentleman. In an old ratty robe and slippers he bought years ago because they were on sale and shockingly comfortable. 

 

He should have gotten dressed, but it was his first day off in more than twenty years and he found himself basking in it.

 

The room cultivated an air of uncomfortable silence. Eggsy took a sip of his tea and stared at the table. 

 

Harry disliked this immensely. 

 

“I didn’t want to say anything, but you look like shit, Harry.”

 

“I feel like shit, frankly.”

 

Eggsy frowned and leaned across the table and touched the back of his hand to Harry’s forehead. Harry startled at the touch to his scar. His hand was cool against his heated skin.

 

He felt _nice_.

 

“You sick?”

 

“Don’t look so worried. I’m simply dealing with the aftermath of the serum.”

 

Eggsy was even more disgruntled by that. “When I was drugged, it didn’t have any lingering effects.”

 

“Your metabolism is much more virile than mine.”

 

“Don’t go blaming it on age now.”

 

“What would you like me to blame it on then?”

 

Eggsy shrugged. “You can talk to me.”

 

Harry sighed, pulled his tea closer to him. 

 

“I’m not the best at talking.”

 

“No shit.”

 

“Eggsy.”

 

He grimaced. “Sorry.”

 

Harry too a long moment to rearrange his thoughts. 

 

"When I was in Kentucky, I wasn't upset because I killed those people." Harry took a sip of his tea, he held his cup in both hands and watched the steam. "I've killed more people than I could ever count, Eggsy. And eventually so will you." Harry caught Eggsy's eye. "Do you know why I was upset in the church?”

 

Eggsy bit his lip, looking pained. It was an unpleasant memory.

 

"I hate thinking about what Valentine did to you." Eggsy said. His voice was rough like he’d admitted to a secret. Harry smiled and placed his hand on Eggsy's.

 

"It's not a good memory for either of us."

 

"I have fucking nightmares, Harry." His hand shook and Harry shushed him. He gripped his hand tightly.

 

"I didn't mean to make this macabre."

 

Eggsy laughed. "Then maybe don't talk about getting shot in the head and scaring the bloody shit out of me."

 

"If it makes any difference, I never meant to frighten you. I wasn't actually planning on Valentine doing it."

 

"Well thank fuck for that."

 

Harry patted his hand and went to pull away, Eggsy held onto him tight and brought him closer.

 

"I'm not going anywhere."

 

"I don't care."

 

Eggsy was certainly too sweet sometimes. Harry rubbed his thumb in small circles on the back of Eggsy's hand and continued his little monologue.

 

"I lost control. I trained my entire life--Kingsman, military, even when I was a child-- I aimed for absolute control and like a switch I lost it." Harry snapped his fingers. "And I became some other person."

 

"Why are you telling me this?"

 

"I'm giving you context and a reason why I find this difficult to bounce back from." Harry paused, tasting the word before he said it. "Essentially an excuse."

 

“Thought you said excuses was for castrated wankers?”

 

“I may have exaggerated.” Eggsy laughed, a small little breathless thing that made Harry squeeze his hand again. A small comfort. “And I can assure you, I am fully intact.”

 

“Good to know.”

 

“I thought it would be prudent to make it clear.”

 

Eggsy flushed charmingly. Harry refrained from touching him more than he already was. 

 

He pulled his hand away.

 

“I shouldn’t let it get to me like this.”

 

“You’re human, Harry. If you feel like shit, you feel like shit.” Eggsy pointed to himself. “That’s what I’m around for.”

 

“To make me feel better?”

 

Eggsy grinned, wide and pretty. “Damn right.”

 

“And how will you do that?”

 

“I got a few ideas.” Eggsy licked his lips, the boldest flirtation he’d ever sent Harry’s way.

 

It was toe curling effective.

 

Harry side stepped it for his own sanity.  "How's Daisy?"

 

Eggsy coughed, set his cup down and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. The change in topic threw him off. Harry was relieved. “Obsessed with fairies. Keeps making me 'attend' tea parties."

 

"I trust your table manners are up to par."

 

Eggsy snorted, eyes warm and fond. "Got my pinky up and everything. I even get to wear little sparkly strap-on wings."

 

Harry blinked. It was a cute image to say the least. "That sounds adorable."

 

Eggsy blushed, wiped his nose and tried to play it off. "Just a bit of fun. You know, little sisters and all."

 

Harry saw the opening for what it was and took it gladly.

 

"I have an older brother." He said. Remarkably, he did not fidget unlike when he usually talked about his brother.

 

"You do?" Eggsy was excited by this new piece of information. "What's his name?"

 

"Richard."

 

"Do you call him 'Dick'?" Eggsy's grin was contagious.

 

"For more reasons than one." He hadn't spoken to him in months. He should probably call him soon. “He taught me how to shoot when we were still boys."

 

"Must have been fun."

 

"Yes and no. I accidentally shot him in the foot."

 

Eggsy looked utterly mesmerized by this, Harry could see him trying to picture Harry clumsy with a gun.

 

"Seriously? He must have been pissed."

 

"Oh, he was.” Harry could easily recall the look of outrage on his brother’s face. It had been terrifying. “He shot me in the foot the next time he took me out to the woods. I have a scar and everything."

 

Eggsy looked underneath the table, quickly, trying to catch a glimpse. Harry toed off his right slipper. The scar was faded but it still took up a large portion of his foot.

 

"Fucking hell."

 

"I was lucky I didn't lose it."

 

"What a prick."

 

"He was fourteen and angry, I don't blame him."

 

"Still, he fucking shot you." Eggsy was defensive on his behalf. It was heartwarming to an uncomfortable extent.

 

"It happened before you were born, Eggsy."

 

"Well, I would’ve kicked his ass if I’d been around then, that's for fucking sure."

 

“It’s very sweet of you."

 

“It ain't right, doing that to you.”

 

“I did shoot him first.”

 

Eggsy wasn’t convinced. “Yeah, but you was a little kid.”

 

“A gun is still a gun.”

 

“Then it’s his fault for not teaching you right, the idiot.” Eggsy caught himself. “Sorry.”

 

Harry waved the apology off. “No need to apologize. I find your concern very--“ He struggled to get the word out for how much he felt it. “--touching. And he _was_ an idiot.”

 

“It’s kind of a relief, yeah? Knowing you wasn’t always so--“ Eggsy cleared his throat. “--Amazing and all.”

 

Harry couldn’t help himself. “Are you saying I’m ‘amazing’?”

 

He blushed and he was _very_ pretty doing so. Eggsy ignored him and took a large bite of the quiche. He looked up, surprised.

 

"Merlin really is an ace cook." Eggsy said, mouth full and looking at the quiche with some amazement.

 

“Manners, Eggsy.”

 

“Right, right.” He took a drink of his tea and went back to work on the food. “Shit, this is fucking _good_.”

 

"Don't tell him or else you'll never hear the end of it. He has an ego the size of the entirety of the United Kingdom."

 

"So, Merlin came over?" Eggsy said, trying for subtlety and utterly failing. He was demolishing the quiche, big forkfuls at a time. They'd have to work on etiquette again. Harry was looking forward to the prospect of sharing a proper meal with him.

 

"He did."

 

"Right then." Eggsy was a little too annoyed by this.

 

"We've known each other for more than twenty years and besides a short infatuation on my part, we are strictly friends."

 

"You mean you had thing for _Merlin_?" Eggsy said, disgusted by the idea.

 

"I was much younger at the time and Merlin had a full head of hair back then.”

 

"And now--"

 

"--I'm interested in someone else, yes." Harry sighed heavily. "Really, Eggsy. It's been more than twenty years."

 

"Still fucking weird, mate."

 

"Language." Harry reminded him.

 

"Still weird as all hell."

 

"Not much better, Eggsy."

 

"Wasn't trying to be." Eggsy stopped. He set his fork down. “We gonna talk about any of it?

 

"I suppose so.”

 

Eggsy shifted in his seat. “Don’t sound too fucking excited, Christ.”

 

“I’m not a humble man, but I’m also not ashamed of my weaknesses.” Harry smoothed out the hem line of his robe. “I’ve never been very good at this. Talking about emotions and relationships.”

 

“You make it sound like it’s something bad.”

 

“I’m inexperienced.”

 

“So am I.” Eggsy paused, his cheeks once again reddening. “I mean, I’ve done stuff with other--“

 

Harry held his hand up. “I don’t need your sexual history. I’m sure you’re quite capable in more ways than one.”

 

“Just wanted to be clear since I’ve fucked it every time this conversation happened.”

 

“You’re not solely responsible, Eggsy. A conversation involves two people.”

 

Eggsy glared at him. Harry tried not to feel like too much of a hypocrite. 

 

“If you said that a few days ago, I would have knocked you right on your posh ass.”

 

Harry arched his eye brow. It was an interesting image. “Do you really think you could beat me?”

 

“Beat you? Nah. Punch you? Fuck yeah.” Eggsy winked at him. Harry hated how it made his chest flutter. “And that’s not what we’re talking about. Stop avoiding it.”

 

“I’m insulted.”

 

“No you’re not. If you was, you would have cussed me out. And you _know_ I’m right.” Harry kept silent, he _was_ right, and Eggsy moved on. “You told me it didn't count when I confessed the first time because of the serum. Then you confess to me, but you was hit too."

 

"And so it didn’t count either."

 

"Thing is, I know you like me and you know I like you. "

 

"I think we know a fair amount more about each other than simple 'I like you's."

 

Eggsy blushed and Harry, to his own mortification, felt himself redden as well.

 

"I try not to think too much about what you said and shit because you were all doped up, but..." Eggsy trailed off and looked at Harry with a heated and determined gaze. "I don't care is it's 'inappropriate' or some other bull."

 

"So the question is, what are we to do about this."

 

Eggsy nodded.

 

Harry glanced down at his own clothes, the infamous red robe. He should have changed when Eggsy had first arrived. Something dressier than old pajama bottoms. He wasn't even wearing a shirt under the robe.

 

He felt oddly exposed.

 

Eggsy saw him looking and determinedly avoided his eyes.

 

Despite his aversion to saying it, he found himself blurting out the words anyways. "I do like you quite a lot, Eggsy."

 

"Yeah?" Eggsy's face lit up. He smiled, all of his good humor crinkled his eyes. “Do you _like_ like me?"

 

“Lord, did you watch the recording?"

 

"Roxy showed me. I thought I'd die from embarrassment."

 

"I was on the other side of the mirror, you know."

 

Eggsy paled, his smile dying a quick death. He covered his eyes. "Seriously? Oh fuck, Harry. I didn't think this could get any worse."

 

"Don't be like that, after all, you were there in person when I was dosed."

 

"Yeah, that had been surreal." Eggsy groaned. Scratched at the back of his neck. "I had that date all planned out. You know it was a date, right?"

 

"I was aware."

 

"I even order the soufflés ahead of time."

 

"It would have been an excellent dinner, I'm sure."

 

“Made a reservation for the best table too.”

 

“You were aiming quite high, weren’t you?”

 

“I would have been happy with a kiss. If you’d offered anything else up, I wasn’t going to say no.”

 

Harry ran through what the date would have been like if he hadn’t been shot. Eggsy would have most likely had Harry wrapped around his finger by the end of the first course. “Did you think I would?”

 

Eggsy waggled his eyebrows. “I can be a bloody good charmer when I want to be.”

 

“I have no doubt about that.”

 

Eggsy leaned forward in his seat, closing the gap between them. “Why'd you agree if you thought me and you being together was 'crossing a line'?"

 

Harry sipped at his own tea, taking a moment to sort out what he wanted to say. "Because I _like_ like you."

 

Eggsy smiled, lopsided and happy. "You fucker."

 

“And you?” Eggsy looked confused. Harry cocked his head. “Do you like me Eggsy?”

 

“You know I fucking do.”

 

“Do you _like_ like me?”

 

Eggsy made a strangled noise from the back of his throat. “Is this going to be a thing now?”

 

“I’m afraid it has to be.”

 

“Fucking embarrassing.”

 

“That’s the idea.”

 

Eggsy grunted. For a moment he looked unwilling to say anything and then he deflated. He looked Harry up and down.

 

“I _like_ like you.” He said between clenched teeth. “You cock.” Harry smiled.

 

“You really do have a way with words.”

 

“Trust me, that’s nothing.”

 

Harry could spend the rest of the day taking apart that sentence and what Eggsy meant by it, instead he got up and collected the empty dishes. In the kitchen he placed them in one side of the sink.

 

Harry listened to Eggsy follow him and stand in the doorway.

 

“Was that it?” Eggsy said.

 

Harry looked over his shoulder. “I’m afraid that was the last of the quiche.”

 

“Nah, I meant--“ Eggsy shook his head. “Thought there would be more, you know?”

 

“This isn’t some romance movie, Eggsy. Life doesn’t always have to be dramatic.”

 

Eggsy stepped into the kitchen, looking unsure.

 

“Just doesn’t seem finished.”

 

“I think I understand what you’re getting at, but I have dishes to do and we’re now fully aware of our feelings for each other. I can’t think of what else we should do.”

 

Harry turned the water on and started filling the left side of the sink.

 

Eggsy stood by the counter, with a look of disgust on his face. 

 

"What is it?"

 

"You don't have a dishwasher?"

 

"No."

 

Eggsy shook his head. "If we're gonna be dating, you better be getting a dishwasher. None of this prehistoric shit." He waved his finger at the sink and the sponge in Harry's hand.

 

“A sponge is prehistoric?”

 

“Have you seen a dishwasher lately? Mate, you got to update.”

 

“If we’re going to be dating, don’t call me ‘mate’.”

 

“Lover?” Eggsy was grinning.

 

“We’re not eighty and in victorian times.”

 

“Boyfriend?”

 

“Harry would do just fine.”

 

Eggsy laughed. “Mum, this is my _Harry_.”

 

“That does sound like a growth.” Harry braced his hands on the counter. “I don’t think your mother would like me.”

 

Eggsy shrugged, unconcerned. 

 

"I don't care if my mum approves. I didn't like Dean and she still married the twat. I love her to fucking death, but she's shite at picking men. Now me? I got a right picker." Eggsy grinned widely at Harry.

 

The fondness Harry felt for Eggsy was inconceivable.

 

"You've overlooked the most important advantage of not having a dishwasher."

 

Eggsy raised an eyebrow at him. "And what would that be?"

 

Harry crooked his finger, gesturing for Eggsy to come closer. He did and Harry caught him by the waist. He squeezed his hip and Eggsy melted. 

 

The air was thick and rolling slowly but steadily between them. 

 

Eggsy looked up at Harry, eyes big and mouth open. Trusting in every way. A heavy responsibility, but one Harry found himself wanting.

 

Harry kissed him. Light and lingering. Felt Eggsy's breath stutter against him as he pulled back.

 

"This." He said, soft and with every ounce of feeling he found he could not put into words.He stepped away, Eggsy trailing after him before righting himself. 

 

Harry passed him a clean dish towel, rolled up his own sleeves and set to work. They picked up a rhythm quickly. 

 

"I didn't tell you before,” Eggsy started, his voice quiet. He dried off the cup and set it aside. He looked up at Harry. “But _occasionally_ Daisy puts our mum's make-up on me. Half the time I look like a demented clown, but sometimes I actually look pretty damn good."

 

Harry closed his eyes and pushed away the image of Eggsy in red lipstick. It was something to mull over later. “Are you inviting me to a tea party?”

 

“Only if you want to see me with mascara.”

 

“I’ll wear my best suit.”

 

“Knew you would, you dirty old man.”

 

“Shut up, Eggsy.” Harry sighed and kissed him again.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://granpappy-winchester.tumblr.com/)


End file.
